Making do…

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  • #89468
    williamthebold
    Participant

    Not totally wholesome and invigorating, but at a time like this we just have to make do with what we have.

    A missionary was walking with the chief of a tribe in a remote part of Africa, explaining to him the wonders of modern society.
    As they walk, they see movement in the bushes ahead.
    Thinking that it might be a lion, the chief stands still, but the curious missionary boldly goes to have a look.
    To his amazement he sees a man and a woman making love.
    He retreats thoughtfully, and rejoins the chief.
    Being very polite he says; ‘lets go. It’s just a man riding a bicycle.’
    Not having seen a bicycle before, the chief runs over excitedly to have a look for himself.
    After seeing what is going on, he lifts his spear and kills the man.
    The missionary is shocked. He says; ‘why did you do that?’
    To which the chief replies: ‘He was riding my bicycle.’

    Three nuns die and go to heaven…
    When they get there, saint peter tells them that because of the wonderful work they have done on earth, he will allow them to be reincarnated as anyone they like for six months.
    The first nun says to him: ‘I want to be young and beautiful like Britney Spears.’ Snap! She disappears.
    The second nun says: ‘I want to be like Janet Jackson and sing as well as she does.’ Snap! She also disappears.
    The 3rd nun is a much older woman.
    She walks up slowly and says, ‘I want to be Alaska Pippilinni.’
    ‘I’m sorry sister, who is that?’
    ‘Alaska Pippilinni’ says the nun.
    Saint Peter is still confused, so the nun holds up a newspaper.
    Saint Peter reads the headline.
    It says: ALASKA PIPELINE LAID BY 500 MEN IN 6 MONTHS.

    A cannibal is teaching his son how to hunt…
    Hiding in a tree by a busy trail, the father and son are sizing up their potential targets.
    The son is eager to try whenever people walk by, but the patient father always holds him back, saying…
    ‘Too many people in that group’ or, ‘they are too big and strong’ or, ‘too risky’ for some other reason.
    Finally a thin and frail old lady walks by alone.
    Keen to make his first successful hunt, the son is ready to throw his spear when his father again stops him.
    ‘Patience my son. Look at her. All sinew and bones.
    Your mother will expect us to bring home something better than that.’
    Shortly after this, a lone plump woman appears, walking slowly, barely able to drag her weight along.
    ‘How about this dad? She’d feed us for weeks’ says the young cannibal excitedly, as he readies his spear.
    But his father stops him yet again.
    ‘No son. The fat in her might be bad for us. We could get very sick if we ate her.’
    Finally, a stunning young lady appears, striding youthfully along the trail.
    The father straightens his posture: his eyes light up.
    The son, sensing his father’s readiness, brandishes his spear and says…
    ‘She’s perfect. Not too thin, not too fat. Shall we eat her?’
    But again his father stops him.
    ‘No my son! We’ll capture her alive. We’re going to eat your mother instead!’

    #89471
    bettymbettym
    Participant

    Heavens Williamthebold -Thank you for these very funny jokes  they do get  us laughing in these difficult times.

    #89472
    rayl
    Keymaster

    Hi William. Do email me via the home page link.

    Alls well, just want to make contact

    Ray.

     

    #89477
    williamthebold
    Participant

    Thank you Ray. Will do.
    Just a couple of things about my life:
    I always have something to do.
    I keep an eye on neighbours in my street, and help in small ways where I can.
    It is supposed to be the other way round, but so what!
    I try to be there when needed.
    Less so now that we have ‘social distancing’ of course, but there always seems to be something I can do.
    I have all the usual bad habits of reading, messing with computers, watching interesting programmes on Tv, but still find time to drop in to Greypath to be informed on what others are thinking.
    I do have the advantage of being computer savvy, and  thirty years ago could touch type at one hundred words per minute.
    I originally learned on a mechanical typewriter, and still have an old ‘office’ model. The brand name escapes me right now, and I am too lazy to go and find out. ^_^
    Not so fast with typing now, but I can still rattle along at a fair rate when the mood takes me.
    That’s the lot for now I guess.
    Just wanted to ‘clear the air’ so to speak.
    Sorry to be so far off topic, but you can pretend it is a joke?
    I hope we are all still the old? and delightful individuals we are when xmas rolls around again?
    And it is april already!
    Don’t know how that works, because it was xmas only yesterday.
    Or so it seems.

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