Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realised that, at my age, I don’t really give a hoot anymore.
• If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
• A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.
• A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so. That’s still open to debate!
Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.
3. Now that I am finally getting my head together, my body is beginning to fall apart.
4. The idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
5. If all is not lost, where is it?
6. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.
7. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.
8. If the buck stopped here, then I should have more of them.
9. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
10. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
11. It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.
12. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.
13. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.
14. It takes twice as long – to look half as good.
15. It is not hard to meet expenses … they’re everywhere.
16. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
17. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.
18. My address book mostly has names that start with Dr.
19. The idea of weight lifting is standing up.
20. I don’t know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.