'Cop the Lot', the new persil show…

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    Did a quick search, found these, made them presentable, hope you like them.
    Please don’t hit me with anything.

    A woman travelling on a plane sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently for several seconds.
    A man observed this, and was surprised.
    A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took another tissue, wiped her nose, and then shuddered violently once more.
    Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still rather curious about the shuddering.
    A few more minutes passed and the woman sneezed again.
    As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, and her body shook for several seconds afterwards.
    Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said:
    ‘I couldn’t help noticing that you’ve sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered. Are you Ok?’
    ‘I am sorry if I worried you’ said the woman, ‘but I have a very rare medical condition.
    It means that whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.’
    The man, more than a little embarrassed, was still curious.
    ‘I’ve never heard of that condition before’ he said. ‘Are you taking anything for it?
    The woman nodded, ‘Yes. Pepper.’

    A man walks into a bar.
    The bartender greets him and says, ‘For ten dollars I’ll show you something really amazing.’
    The man thinks for a moment, but then agrees and hands over ten dollars.
    The bartender lifts a very small piano from under the bar, and with it a man who is only about 12 inches tall.
    He puts both on the bar.
    The little man then sits down at the piano, and proceeds to play some wonderful tunes.
    ‘That’s amazing’ says the customer. Where did you get him?’
    Said the bartender: ‘There’s a genie just around the corner who will grant you one wish for free.
    Try him if you like.’
    The guy leaves the bar, finds the genie and says, ‘I want a million bucks please.’
    All of a sudden ducks start falling from the sky.
    The guy runs back to the bar and says to the bartender: ‘What’s wrong with that genie? I asked for a million bucks, and all I get is ducks falling down on me.’
    The bartender smiles, shakes his head and says: ‘Sorry. I should have mentioned before. It seems he’s a bit hard of hearing.
    Do you really think I asked for a twelve inch pianist?’

    The elderly man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
    ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest.
    ‘Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans.
    I hid her in my attic, and they never found her.’
    ‘That is a wonderful thing’ said the priest. ‘It is not something about which you need to confess.’
    ‘But that’s not all’ says the man. ‘I was weak, and I told her that she had to pay rent for the attic with sexual favours.’
    ‘Well’ said the priest, it was a very difficult time, and you took a huge risk.
    You would both have suffered terribly at the hands of the Germans if they had found her hiding with you.
    I am sure that God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly.’
    ‘Thanks, Father,’ said the old man. ‘That’s a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?’
    ‘Of course, my son,’ said the priest.
    ‘Do I need to tell her that the war is over?’

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