Raise a Smile

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    I know you’ve heard them before, but even so, they might still raise just a slight smile?

    It was so cold in Canberra the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.

    A roman soldier walks into a bar, holds up two fingers in a V sign, and says, ‘Five beers, please.’

    A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

    You know you’re ugly when it comes time to take to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

    A teacher noticed a young student was wearing a ‘smartwatch’. This prompted her to ask: ‘are you keeping track of your steps?’
    ‘No,’ said the little girl. ‘I wear this for Mummy so she can show it to Daddy when he gets home.’
    (somehow this always reminds me of the little girl in the movie ‘game plan’. I suppose it’s because they both have endearing qualities)

    Teaching is not for sensitive souls either.
    While reviewing past, present, and future tenses with her English class, a teacher poses this question: ‘what tense is “I am beautiful”?’
    One student raises her hand. ‘Past tense.’

    A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

    I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

    My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

    Not even a glimmer of smile???

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